Saturday, April 27, 2013

Blog #2

I've started this blog, Blog #2, to record my thoughts and feelings about this second  pregnancy.  I've been reading my blog posts from my 1st pregnancy, and I'm really glad I had documented it to the extent that I had because it helps me see what's coming up.  It's also fun to see how this pregnancy compares and contrasts with the first one.

For example, I'm almost 5 weeks pregnant.  In my first pregnancy, I was getting cravings and nausea by the sixth week.  I remember it being fairly unpleasant.   Right now  I'm feeling the tiredness and nausea, but no food cravings or aversions just yet.

There are a lot of things that I experienced in the first pregnancy and with the first child birth where I thought, I will never ever forget this! But here I am 2 years later, and it's apparent that I've remembered very little.  As they say, after the first year or two of your child's life, the amnesia kicks in.  Thank goodness for that! I think if it weren't for the amnesia, the human race would have never thrived because no one would want to go through the birthing process again!!

I'm not sure yet if I'll make this blog public like I did with the first one, or just keep it private for Stu and me. The first time I was pregnant, I wanted to express myself because it was all so new and mysterious to me, and I wanted to compare notes and be a resource with other pregnant moms.  It was like riding a roller coaster for the first time and being so excited about it that you wanted to document every twist and turn of this awesome ride.

Now I'm riding the roller coaster for the second time, and it's still pretty darn awesome and exciting,  but some of the big dips or 360 turns aren't as surprising as they were the first time. The adrenaline is still pumping, but not as hard because I know what to expect, and I think I'll come off of this ride a little less dizzy.  

This pregnancy feels a little more personal.  Whereas in my first pregnancy, most of my attention was on my body and the physical changes through the pregnancy, this second round seems to be much more emotional and psychological.  My worries this time are less about creating this baby than it is creating a loving and balanced environment for all of us to thrive in.

So we'll see...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Initial Thoughts on Paper

We’re having another baby! Or well, I took a pregnancy test on Sunday, and it came out positive.

This second time around definitely feels different than the first time. There is still the same kind of excitement and giddiness about having a baby, but the worries are different. In fact last night I woke up at 3am and I couldn't go back to sleep because of some of these worries.

My worries right now:
1) At work, a lot of people want me to work on their projects this year. If I wasn’t pregnant, this would probably be a big year for me, but frankly I’m more excited about advancing my family than my career at this very moment. I’m not necessarily worried about the logistics of taking maternity leave and all that, but I still worry a little about how this will impact my job and how much I can participate in projects. I worry that if I take too much on, that I’ll be too stressed and that it will hurt my pregnancy. At least Jim Stowe is around and can help carry the load. I’m also trying to figure out when to tell my teammates about this. I’d like to wait until the 12-week mark, but I may have to reveal it sooner. I also worry that my morning sickness may interfere with me having to be onsite with my co-workers. In any case, I’ll be telling my boss today since we’ll be talking about which projects I’ll be working on this year.

2) This seems pretty minor, but for some reason I’m stressed about it. For Esme’s wedding, I ordered a dress that’s one size larger in anticipation of getting pregnant. Now I’m worried that it won’t be big enough and that I won’t have a dress for her wedding. This seems so trivial as I’m writing this, but I don’t want to be a burden to her and her wedding. I’ve called the consultant to see if I can switch to another dress. Something tells me I won’t be able to, and I guess I’ll just make do with whatever happens.

3) Looks like the new baby is going to be a Christmas baby! That worries me because that means everyone around us (our neighbors) will likely be out of town when the new baby comes. Who would take care of Audrey as I’m being rushed to the hospital? I guess we’re going to have to talk to my parents about planning to spend Christmas at our house this year. :)

4) Where is the new baby going to sleep? The logical answer is in our room in the bassinet, just like Audrey did, and then eventually move him/her to the new room, which would be where the office is right now. I don’t necessarily like the idea of the baby sleeping in that room since the window faces the porch, and as a result feels less safe, but I guess we have no choice. I know there are ways we can make it feel safer. And I’m sure an additional video baby monitor will do a lot to make us feel better.

5) How will Audrey feel with the new baby around? Right now she gets all the attention, and with her going through her toddler stage, she needs it even more. Some days I worry more about this and other days it seems to be just fine. Like right now, I feel fairly calm and certain that we can prep her for the new baby, and hopefully she’ll be too young to remember that she was ever jealous, but you hear stories of toddlers saying things like, “I hate the new baby,” and that just breaks my heart. I loved being a little sibling and being a big sister. Hopefully Audrey will too.

6) When should I tell people the news? Right now, only Stu and I know, and after today my boss will know too. I’m mostly inclined to start telling close friends and whatnot from the 10th week and on. That’s what I did last time. My plan right now is to tell my parents and Helen on Mother’s Day with a card showing a picture of the positive pregnancy test. But I feel guilty not telling Luisa and Karen earlier than that. Last time they knew pretty early.

7) How in the world am I going to manage a full-time job, a toddler, and this pregnancy? And taking it a step further, how are we going to manage a baby aaand Audrey at the same time? She seems to be so much work right now, and I remember how much work she was as a baby. To combine the efforts between the two into one seems so daunting and overwhelming. I guess this is why a good length maternity leave is so important—to get a lot of that out of the way!

8) Then of course, there are just the usual natural worries that something will go wrong with the pregnancy or the baby. This I know I have no control over, other than to try to eat healthy and take care of myself.

I’m sure there are others that I haven’t named off here. As with all major things in life, I’ll just take this one step at a time. It’ll be interesting to come back to this journal entry in 9-10 months after the baby has arrived and to evaluate how things turned out.

I've read in articles that the second pregnancy is different from the first one, but the most marked difference is that the second time goes a lot faster. Guess I’ll have to hold on tight for the ride!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Here We Go Again...

So I'm pregnant again. The first day of my last period was 3/23/2013, making my due date 12/28/2013. Looks like we'll be having a Christmas baby!! This makes me about 4 weeks pregnant right now, even though we conceived about three weeks ago (on April 5) and I've only known that I'm pregnant for three days now. The symptoms are starting to show. I've had a few very slight waves of nausea, although i fully anticipate that these will only get worse over the next few weeks. today my boobs started to hurt a little bit. and my belly is starting to get bigger and flabbier. it's hard to tell whether my belly is getting big because of the pregnancy or because I'm just getting fat. lets hope its the pregnancy and not fat. I gained a lot of weight in the first pregnancy and thank God I was able to lose most of it. but I don't think I'll be so lucky the second time around. my metabolism is not as high as it used to be and if I gain this much weight this time, it'll probably be a lot harder to lose it this go around. we shall see.




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